Every so often I like to go for a walk through my neighbourhood.
Everytime I go on a walk though I almost always have some uninvited company. A dog, I couldn't even tell you what breed it is but it is pretty big with long shaggy hair. He (or she? I don't even know that) seems to come out of nowhere and starts walking behind me. Doesn't rush up to me looking for affection or even just walk by my side. Instead he walks behind me.
And get this: everytime I stop and turnaround to look at him he stops............then there's a slight awkward pause with us looking at each other....................and then he starts barking at me until I turn around and keep walking.
This essentially makes him my personal trainer.
So now when I walk I don't even turn around anymore, I just hear the pitter-patter of his footsteps and know that he's there. And when I get home he stops at my letterbox and lets me go and when I look at him he seems to say 'Nice walk Bob, see you tomorrow.'
At least, that's what I like to think............
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Give some money damnit!
Yesterday I went collecting for a charity's annual doorknock appeal which aims to raise money for research, education, raising awareness and provision of support in regard to heart conditons yadda yadda yadda....
Anyway I was off to a blistering start, first four houses - $20 collected.....boo yeah
So I was thinking 'grrrrrrreat! People are really great.'
But it went downhill from there and I didn't get much more...
I found it funny noticing which kinds of people gave donations and which ones didn't. The guys living in rundown houses with car parts and beer cans across the front lawn were actually really generous, good for them.
And then I go to this nice house with a swanky caravan in the front, 4WD in the back, beautiful garden with little funny garden gnomes.....and a little old lady answers the door.
I ask her if she would like to donate some money and she says 'No, I don't think I will', and shuts the door in my face....
Man....
It took a lot to stop me saying 'What?! You're not going to donate? Your BMW 4WD tells me that you're not exactly on struggle street. And you are old, your heart is old and I can see the excess blood pressure in your face, I mean, you NEED to donate some money, I'm doing this for YOU. The young 'trash' you turn your nose up at have donated money and it's unlikely they'll be getting heart disease anytime soon. From this moment on I am going to continuously scare you until you eventually have a heart attack, I'd like to think of it as giving karma a helping hand.'
The moral of the story is: not every little old lady you meet will be a kind generous soul....
Anyway I was off to a blistering start, first four houses - $20 collected.....boo yeah
So I was thinking 'grrrrrrreat! People are really great.'
But it went downhill from there and I didn't get much more...
I found it funny noticing which kinds of people gave donations and which ones didn't. The guys living in rundown houses with car parts and beer cans across the front lawn were actually really generous, good for them.
And then I go to this nice house with a swanky caravan in the front, 4WD in the back, beautiful garden with little funny garden gnomes.....and a little old lady answers the door.
I ask her if she would like to donate some money and she says 'No, I don't think I will', and shuts the door in my face....
Man....
It took a lot to stop me saying 'What?! You're not going to donate? Your BMW 4WD tells me that you're not exactly on struggle street. And you are old, your heart is old and I can see the excess blood pressure in your face, I mean, you NEED to donate some money, I'm doing this for YOU. The young 'trash' you turn your nose up at have donated money and it's unlikely they'll be getting heart disease anytime soon. From this moment on I am going to continuously scare you until you eventually have a heart attack, I'd like to think of it as giving karma a helping hand.'
The moral of the story is: not every little old lady you meet will be a kind generous soul....
Democracy, who needs it?
The following is a quote from Dr Mahathir Mohamad who was Prime Minister of Malaysia, 1981-2003.
These are his thoughts on democracy:
'Too much democracy leads to homosexuality, moral decay, racial intolerance, economic decline, single-parent families and a lax work ethic.'
Ouch.........a little harsh in my opinion
These are his thoughts on democracy:
'Too much democracy leads to homosexuality, moral decay, racial intolerance, economic decline, single-parent families and a lax work ethic.'
Ouch.........a little harsh in my opinion
Ortolans
You may or may not be aware that I am a connoisseur of all gastronomical delights.
Yes, it's true.
Anyway I recently discovered this great recipe for the Ortolan. An Ortolan is a small type of bird, much like a finch and apparently eating it in the way shown below was one of the most truly decadent things you can do. I'm not sure if people do it anymore. The following excerpt is sourced from the Wikipedia article on the Ortolan:
You catch the ortolan with a net spread up in the forest canopy. Take it alive. Take it home. Poke out its eyes and put it in a small cage. Force-feed it oats and millet and figs until it has swollen to four times its normal size. Drown it in brandy. Roast it whole, in an oven at high heat, for six to eight minutes. Bring it to the table. Place a cloth—a napkin will do—over your head to hide your cruelty from the sight of God. Put the whole bird into your mouth, with only the beak protruding from your lips. Bite. Put the beak on your plate and begin chewing, gently. You will taste three things: First, the sweetness of the flesh and fat. This is God. Then, the bitterness of the guts will begin to overwhelm you. This is the suffering of Jesus. Finally, as your teeth break the small, delicate bones and they begin to lacerate your gums, you will taste the salt of your own blood, mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the organs. This is the Holy Spirit, the mystery of the Trinity—three united as one. It is cruel. And beautiful. According to Claude Souvenir chewing the ortolan takes approximately 15 minutes.
Mmmmmmm, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. I reckon it's time McDonalds brought in the McOrtolan. Better yet let's get our kids out catching, force-feeding and then slowly digesting their own ortolans, I reckon they might learn a few things about the preciousness of life.
By the way, I am kidding, I do not recommend doing this.
Yes, it's true.
Anyway I recently discovered this great recipe for the Ortolan. An Ortolan is a small type of bird, much like a finch and apparently eating it in the way shown below was one of the most truly decadent things you can do. I'm not sure if people do it anymore. The following excerpt is sourced from the Wikipedia article on the Ortolan:
You catch the ortolan with a net spread up in the forest canopy. Take it alive. Take it home. Poke out its eyes and put it in a small cage. Force-feed it oats and millet and figs until it has swollen to four times its normal size. Drown it in brandy. Roast it whole, in an oven at high heat, for six to eight minutes. Bring it to the table. Place a cloth—a napkin will do—over your head to hide your cruelty from the sight of God. Put the whole bird into your mouth, with only the beak protruding from your lips. Bite. Put the beak on your plate and begin chewing, gently. You will taste three things: First, the sweetness of the flesh and fat. This is God. Then, the bitterness of the guts will begin to overwhelm you. This is the suffering of Jesus. Finally, as your teeth break the small, delicate bones and they begin to lacerate your gums, you will taste the salt of your own blood, mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the organs. This is the Holy Spirit, the mystery of the Trinity—three united as one. It is cruel. And beautiful. According to Claude Souvenir chewing the ortolan takes approximately 15 minutes.
Mmmmmmm, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. I reckon it's time McDonalds brought in the McOrtolan. Better yet let's get our kids out catching, force-feeding and then slowly digesting their own ortolans, I reckon they might learn a few things about the preciousness of life.
By the way, I am kidding, I do not recommend doing this.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Earth Hour
As you may already know the world participated in (or should I say celebrated?) Earth Hour a couple of days ago.
A friend told me about and insisted that I do my part and not have any lights or other electrical devices on for the designated hour.
'Oh no!' I exclaimed, 'but that's the exact same time I was planning to do my tribute to Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison by continuously flicking my electricity on and off for the hour!'
He didn't laugh.
Anyway I did my part. I hadn't exactly prepared for Earth Hour though, so I ended up sitting at my desk in the darkness with one little tealight candle to keep me company. About halfway through I needed to go to the bathroom so I tried to navigate my way in the dark. Bad idea, stubbed my toe like nothing else on a door frame. I also feel asleep in my chair before the hour finished. When I woke up several hours later my little candle was out. I flicked on the light to discover that the overflowing wax had fused the candle to my desk and I had to use a knife to get it off.
All in all, a great Earth Hour.
A friend told me about and insisted that I do my part and not have any lights or other electrical devices on for the designated hour.
'Oh no!' I exclaimed, 'but that's the exact same time I was planning to do my tribute to Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison by continuously flicking my electricity on and off for the hour!'
He didn't laugh.
Anyway I did my part. I hadn't exactly prepared for Earth Hour though, so I ended up sitting at my desk in the darkness with one little tealight candle to keep me company. About halfway through I needed to go to the bathroom so I tried to navigate my way in the dark. Bad idea, stubbed my toe like nothing else on a door frame. I also feel asleep in my chair before the hour finished. When I woke up several hours later my little candle was out. I flicked on the light to discover that the overflowing wax had fused the candle to my desk and I had to use a knife to get it off.
All in all, a great Earth Hour.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Lesson for Today - Don't Let the Police Go on Strike!
Here's an interesting story for today........
At 8am, October 17 1969 in Montreal, Canada the local police force decided to go on strike.
Now Canada is not known as a nation with high crime rates. In fact it is common for people to leave their front doors unkocked continously. Canadians certainly don't live in fear of becoming victims to crime. This makes the reaction to the police strike all the more fascinating.
The strike began at 8am. It took only three hours after that for a bank robbery to take place. By midday looting of stores had become rampant. Taxi drivers burned down the businesses of their competitors. Looters and rioters also attacked hotels and restaurants, presumably for fluffy towels. A doctor even killed a burgular who had entered his home. Before the army was finally called in to restore order six banks had been robbed, over a hundred stores looted, twelve fires had sprung up and the cost of the damages rose into the millions.
Who could have predicted such a rapid descent into choas? In Canada?!
Anyway that's my story for today................feel free to leave a comment.............on any post...................let me know someone's out there in cyberspace
Bob
At 8am, October 17 1969 in Montreal, Canada the local police force decided to go on strike.
Now Canada is not known as a nation with high crime rates. In fact it is common for people to leave their front doors unkocked continously. Canadians certainly don't live in fear of becoming victims to crime. This makes the reaction to the police strike all the more fascinating.
The strike began at 8am. It took only three hours after that for a bank robbery to take place. By midday looting of stores had become rampant. Taxi drivers burned down the businesses of their competitors. Looters and rioters also attacked hotels and restaurants, presumably for fluffy towels. A doctor even killed a burgular who had entered his home. Before the army was finally called in to restore order six banks had been robbed, over a hundred stores looted, twelve fires had sprung up and the cost of the damages rose into the millions.
Who could have predicted such a rapid descent into choas? In Canada?!
Anyway that's my story for today................feel free to leave a comment.............on any post...................let me know someone's out there in cyberspace
Bob
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Drillbit Taylor.......Bob's Thoughts
Saw Drillbit Taylor today........
Better than I expected. That's one of the great things about always having low expectations, either you're pleasantly surprised or at the very least there's less disappointment.
Reminds of a good one-liner: I always like to borrow money from pessimists because they never expect to get it back.
Funny, no?
Anyway......the film was actually quite funny. Mostly cheap laughs of course, but you know that going in so that's okay. Owen Wilson had his usual strange broken-nose charm and the kid actors were pretty good. Seth Rogen is on fire, the amount of scripts he's written and produced into films over the past year has been incredible.
There's only one thing that kinda irked me a little. Towards the end of the film Drillbit is being repeatedly punched in the head by the antagonist, the school bully. However initially Drillbit does not fight back and appeals instead to the bully, trying to uncover some kindness beneath his tough exterior. The film sets itself up perfectly for a nice moral message about how violence is not a solution to problems etc etc.
Doesn't work. So what does Drillbit do?
He beats the bully mercilessly to a pulp..........and the good guys win the fight. It was hilarious, but still.
Better than I expected. That's one of the great things about always having low expectations, either you're pleasantly surprised or at the very least there's less disappointment.
Reminds of a good one-liner: I always like to borrow money from pessimists because they never expect to get it back.
Funny, no?
Anyway......the film was actually quite funny. Mostly cheap laughs of course, but you know that going in so that's okay. Owen Wilson had his usual strange broken-nose charm and the kid actors were pretty good. Seth Rogen is on fire, the amount of scripts he's written and produced into films over the past year has been incredible.
There's only one thing that kinda irked me a little. Towards the end of the film Drillbit is being repeatedly punched in the head by the antagonist, the school bully. However initially Drillbit does not fight back and appeals instead to the bully, trying to uncover some kindness beneath his tough exterior. The film sets itself up perfectly for a nice moral message about how violence is not a solution to problems etc etc.
Doesn't work. So what does Drillbit do?
He beats the bully mercilessly to a pulp..........and the good guys win the fight. It was hilarious, but still.
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